If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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