i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
