just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
