The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
