Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
