I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
