the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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