so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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