we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
