I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
