Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
