today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
