This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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