hotel room ftw
i already hear my dad disowning me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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