I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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