Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
