ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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