I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Boobs are out for the taking
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
