new low.... made out with someone while peeing
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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