I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I touched a dick in church today
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
