You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
