i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
