Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
