weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
