i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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