so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
