I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
