Duck Duck Cougar?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
