She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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