is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
