I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
barbara walters just said penis...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
