chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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