I wish I could teleport
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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