nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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