Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the condom got lost in my hair
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
