You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
