He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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