SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
