I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
