2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
