i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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