so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
