does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
