May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
