she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
