do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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