forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
