ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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