he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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