i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
