We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize