i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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