Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
