I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize