I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
