I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
