You just made me feel so damn special
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
