You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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