I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't think brook has ever known best
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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