Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
