you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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