i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
