looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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