stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Everclear isn't food dammit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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