New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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