Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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