I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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