It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
