awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
