2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
