she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize