I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
