I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
