your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize