69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
