a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
