Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How does one acquire holy water?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
