I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
