I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
