I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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