Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
this will be a night to untag.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
