Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
