I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize