you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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